Why would I delete your comment? Well, not your comment. Your comments are probably fine. If you’re reading this, I assume that you normally don’t write anything that warrants deleting. Usually the folks who write things that require deletion are getting all their information from memes or reels and never read anything as long and full of big words as a blog post. So, no, I probably don’t mean you personally, but you know: why might I delete a comment in general?
A common assumption by those who get their comments deleted is that they’ve won the argument. When someone notices their comment has been deleted on social media, they may assume it means the other side has run out of counter-arguments, that they’ve successfully gotten under someone’s skin, or that their arguments are so compelling that the other side has just given up in defeat. To many it’s a sign of victory. It’s amazing how ego and naivite can shape our perceptions.
Why else might a comment be deleted? The main reason I delete a comment on social media is because I don’t wish to give terrible ideas a platform. A comment below one of my posts, after all, might be seen by more people than the same comment on their own Facebook page and that’s not something I’m willing to give people with particularly bad ideas. I can’t control what folks post on other pages, but I can prevent them from using my pages as a platform. Bad ideas, after all, can spread just as fast as good ideas. I have a rather pessimistic view of human rationality. I do not trust that good ideas will automatically rise to the top or that exposure to bad ideas left unchallenged will do no harm. Admittedly, I can’t always monitor the comments, but if a comment is bad enough and I notice it, I’ll delete it.
I realize here I’m being rather vague on what constitutes a “bad idea.” Obviously I don’t mean a simple factual error (like how someone tried to argue with me that Mennonites never lived in Poland). Nor do I mean any idea that contradicts my own. I have no problem with differing perspectives, especially if they’re well-argued and articulated with intelligence. Most of the comments I delete would be regarded as objectionable (bigotted, racist, profane, or threatening) by most reasonable people. Still, I will admit that what constitues a “bad idea” is largely left up to my own whims. I make no apologies for this, nor do I feel any obligation to have some consistent and publicly stated set of criteria for what gets deleted and what doesn’t. I don’t run a “group” that requires a set of rules. It’s my personal page and my personal website, so I decide. On your page and your website, you can decide. That’s how it works.
Some may say: why not debate and engage with the individual instead of deleting the comment? The thing is, I used to do this a lot. Before I had any substantial number of readers, I would debate people online quite often. But now I don’t (mostly) and there are several reasons for this. First of all, I’m just one person and I don’t have the time or energy to debate with everyone. But even if I had a team of folks to monitor the comments, I still would delete the bad ones. Due to conformation bias, motivated reasoning, and the backfire effect, we know that people who are committed to an idea cannot be won over in an online debate. Instead, an argument only pushes each person further into their preexisting beliefs. In other words, not only do people not change their minds, but an argument will often make them even more convinced they were right in the first place. I’ve learned (and I’m sure many of you have had similar experiences) that there’s absolutely no point in debating random people you don’t know on the Internet. On occasions in recent years when I’ve been lured into an online debate, I usually regret it. The commentor is almost never in a mental state of curiosity, nor are they open to new ideas or evidence. Instead, as Julia Galef points outs, they are soliders for their beliefs. There’s no point in arguing with someone like this. Of course, this assumes they’re a real person in the first place and not just a bot.
The only time debate, discussion, and dialogue are useful or effective is in existing relationships of trust. In person. Face to face. With people you know. Everything else (with rare exceptions) is a waste of time. This isn’t to say I don’t believe in the power of art, education, and literature to transforms minds. It can and does. But this is very different from arguing with people online. It’s not the same thing.
One final thought. Once or twice, I’ve had people complain that somehow I’ve violated their free speech or free expression by deleting a comment. I find this accusation amusing. “He’s deleting comments!” one racist woman exclaimed. This, too, was a comment that I deleted before banning her completely. I’m actually a pretty strong advocate of free speech and expression. I generally oppose government curtailment of speech. However, I’m not the government. You’re free to say what you want … elsewhere. But no, sorry, you can’t say whatever you want on my page.
So, as I said, I’m probably not talking about you. Your comments are probably fine. But just in case if I do delete your comment, now you know why. Just don’t try to argue with me about it. I’ll probably delete that comment, too.